i know its been veri long since i last blogged ... n i gt a feeling that posting here is sort of save ? i jus need a breathing space to type out wad im feeling n wad im going through now.. i know the relationship between me n them(refering to some of my friends) has been streched. i knew its gonna snap some time. out of a sudden when im taking my afternoon nap, i received a sms one of my better frends(or i reguarded him as good frend) smsed me saying hes gonna leave guild becos of (shall nt say out his reasons). i cant help but felt depress. not feeling to do anything at alll. as i lay there, i tot of all the different kinds of senarios dat is going to happen when i login. if you think im childish my frend reading, thinking maple is jus a 2D game etc, i can tell u i know. but somehow, this game has its restraints on me. i cant explain it. maybe, i knew too many frends dat wad many would say, siao maple. n i know alot of ppl through maple as well. finally i logined. i opened up guild when i logined. seeing a sinifican decrease in my guild's numbers from 87 b4 i slpt in the afternoon to 75. n something thats shoking me. 4 of my, veri long maple, real life frends left my guild. one of them of cos the the friend i mentioned above. i dunno how 2 explain. a sudden gush of not fury not saddness but jus a gush of feelings overwhelmed me. i went ard asking so ppl who is easier to approagh 1st. hearing a few different storiess. when i login, i say my frend say hi to me in bl. but i knew i was not in any condition to talk to him now. i may explode. i couldnt help but stay mute, starring at a screen, n letting the gush of feeling run through me. instead of cooling down, it got thicker i say ? more compacted more squeezey n not long later, it was going to expolde. so i toked to them in BL. wanting to know wats happening. abit of relieve when he is the one dat replied me. the one and onli one of all of them dat replied me. giving me his reasons. another gush of feelings flew in now. i knew my defendsive side was coming up going to argue with him on wat he thinks etc. i knew i had to stop myself. i typed a mere ok. my hands were so desprate to continue typing. i do not wan to make matters more serious. i toook my hands off the key board.. as i stared at my lcd screen, how i wish it was the old kind of monitor where by i can jus wack it. the urge of punching stuff was ard me. he continued telling me he does not wanna spoil friendship over guild etc. i see his point. but sry i wasnt able to reply him. i was still starring blanky at the screen. perhaps waiting for the others to reply. but it did not happen. i jus feel dat even a death sentenced criminal knows why is he getting hanged. but me? let it be. suan le. fk it came to my mind. if i cant get a ans, i shall not stay in game. my emotions then was too dangerous. who knows wad will happen somemore. so i jus quit without telling anyone and came here to blog. i suddenly felt like walking ard. maybe i shall. go take a shower and go out walk ard. i predict it will be a time. a time b4 i will login to dat game once again.
Friday, April 10, 2009
JyTheOne(俊颖) at 8:04:00 PM |
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